This ain't your grandma's bingo

Want to have a fun, albeit slightly competitive night with friends? I have the perfect solution for you.

PLAY BINGO.

All of those images you see of old people falling asleep while they're in the activities center at the nursing home are wrong. Bingo can be so much more fun than that if you can stay up past 6pm, LOVE vodka, and have a dollar store in close proximity or you can drive to one.

Here's the recipe for an amazing bingo night.

1. Buy a cheap bingo game. Ours cost $20 from target. There are way cheaper versions, but we wanted the authentic looking one with the numbered balls, so we splurged.

2. Buy a big bottle of vodka (or alcohol of preference). We bought an economy size bottle of sweet tea vodka and mixed it with lemonade. If you want a quieter, nursing home type night without hair-pulling, yelling and religious slurs, skip the alcohol. Trust me.

3. Visit your local dollar store and pick out the most ridiculous stuff you can find, then lay it on a table grab bag style, so people can choose what they want when they win.

We bought a $1 pregnancy test (I got a negative, should I go to a REAL doctor?), a few wolf and bass fish paperweights, mugs that said, I <3 Michigan and I <3 Puerto Rico, a Care Bears felt coloring set, a Betty Boop keychain complete with a mirror, some ice cube trays, temporary animal themed tattoos (including a huge ram and some crabs), gummy insects, some "green" lightbulbs, a heart-shaped baking pan, and some other awesome stuff that I can't remember.

4. Tater Tots. This isn't a necessity, but towards the end of the game, one roommate decided to make tater tots and it turned out to be the BEST idea of the whole night. Just make sure you don't mistake them for bingo board pieces...you don't want greasy cards the next day.

Next week, I think we're going to try to spice up parcheesy. If you want to come over and play, let me know.

Attack of the GIANT Office Butt

I'm freelancing on-site at another fun agency today. While coming up with puns relating to space, I realized one thing.

I'm allergic to desk chairs. Maybe not allergic, but I have a really strong aversion to them.

For one, they force you to sit up straight. At home, I sit on my couch with the laptop either on a cooling pad on my lap, or on the coffee table. It's a nice setup and probably really terrible for my already bad posture, but my body is used to it. When I work on-site at different agencies, which I love doing because it gets me out of the house and I get to meet other people in my field, I don't have a choice between kitchen chair, love seat, counter top, couch, floor, bed, toilet seat, and picnic table outside when it's nice. It's desk chair all the way.

Not to mention, desk chairs, plus continual snacking are the #1 leading cause of Office Butt.
Office Butt (n.): When you sit in a desk chair and your butt expands to fit the size of the base of the chair, this new chair sized shape is called "office butt."

You know how some snakes will grow as big as their cages will let them? Office Butt is JUST LIKE THAT.

I've only been here 7 hours and I can feel this happening already. To battle it, I'm going to trick my butt into thinking I'm at home by bringing in my couch cushion, or one of those blow up things that people with hemorrhoids sit on.

Think anyone will notice? If they do, I'm just going to say, "Hey man, this really expensive desk chair hurts my back and is definitely giving me office butt, but I'm willing to do what it takes to work here, because, you know what? I like you guys, and coming up with puns is fun, and NOT getting all cabin-fevery because I didn't leave the house in 2 days and didn't even notice is even better." After which, they'll probably hire me full-time, or give me a bonus, or at least a high-five. It all works out in the end.

That time I said something ridiculous in an interview and they gave me a second one anyway

A few weeks ago, I had an interview at a top-notch agency. The kind that's been around since the start of advertising and creates award winning ad campaigns. Let's just say, Peggy from Mad Men would kill to work there. Okay, maybe she wouldn't kill, but she'd AT LEAST sleep with a couple of account managers to get her foot in the door.

Just like Peggy every time Don calls her into his office, I was nervous. Not only was the guy I interviewed with super high up in the company, but he also had GREAT HAIR. Better than mine, and I get compliments on my hair all the time. Or at least every time I visit my mom. His hair reminded me of my boyfriend's hair when we started dating--long, wavy, and perfectly styled without looking like he actually spent any time on it. Now, my boyfriend has businessman hair, but back when we started dating it was laid-back without being sloppy, hippie-ish without trying too hard. You get the picture.

So we're interviewing, and I'm talking and trying not to be mesmerized by his hair, and he's asking questions and I'm acing them, or at least in my head I am, and then he asks me something I'm not prepared for.

He said, "What's something that you've done, outside of your career, that was different than someone else may have done it?"

He obviously wanted to see if I could find creative solutions to problems. Well, guess what? I can!

I think I blinked about seven times before I blurted out, "My curling iron broke, and I taught myself how to curl my hair with my straightener, so I didn't have to buy a new curling iron!"

In one sentence I made myself sound a) mentally challenged and b) CHEAP. For the record, I am only ONE of these.

I immediately cringed afterward and gave another much better example, but nothing I said after that would erase what just came out of my mouth. I don't know if I thought he would appreciate that comment because he obviously cares about his hair, or maybe I thought he would think it was funny, or cute, or...who knows? Sometimes I just blurt out stupid stuff when I'm nervous or caught off guard.

It's true, though. I really did teach myself how to curl my hair with a straightener because I'm RESOURCEFUL (and cheap)!

How I started 2010 off with a mugging

It's only day 2 of 2010 and I've already learned one huge thing about myself. When I say huge, I mean HUGE.

I would be absolutely useless in a mugging.

Last night, Dan and I were on our way home from seeing a late showing of Invictus, which was pretty good if you have any interest in Nelson Mandela, South African politics or a beefy, blonde Matt Damon. We were looking for a parking spot and someone had just taken the spot we wanted. I said something bratty like, "He probably doesn't even live here," without actually looking at the guy, because I didn't want to walk a long way in the cold.

We parked the car, started walking to the apartment, and the guy I just got done complaining about jumped out from behind a car and yelled, "Give me your money!"

What did I do in this situation? I screamed. Like a girl. Correction: I screamed like a girl who's been tied to the train tracks, with the light of a steel monster blinding her from off in the distance, its horn blaring her impending doom. Or, like a girl who got her period in a shark tank. Either way, I screamed. For about 10 full seconds. I was so scared that I forgot I had mace in my pocket, and a rape whistle in my purse. I even forgot all of those dreams in which I'm mugged and I somehow get away by karate chopping the guy in the throat, kicking him in the balls, or keying him in the face with my mailbox key. I forgot ALL of that in the shock of being mugged.

Then, I heard Dan start laughing and I looked at the guy who was "mugging" us. The mugger was actually my cousin Alex, who lives half a block from us.

After I calmed down, I got mad and said, "What if I maced you!! What if Dan pulled out his pocketknife and tried to stab you or punched you in the face?!"

Alex replied, "I thought about Dan maybe beating the shit out of me, but I risked it knowing how funny this would be."

After last night, I am now adding a new resolution to my list:

Be more aware of my surroundings, so that if I actually ever do get mugged, I don't just stand there and scream. I go for the balls.

Obligatory New Year's resolutions post

Well, since every blogger in the world has posted about what they're going to do or not do in 2010, I might as well too. I hate being left out! It makes me feel like high school all over again when all of my friends had boobs and I still wore a training bra, in hopes that it would "train" my boobs to get bigger. It didn't. Anyway. Here is what I pledge to myself and others for 2010.

1. I'm either going to start using my gym membership or cancel it. Paying $69 a month to exercise (maybe) once a week is not worth the money, especially when I haven't had a full-time job since April.

2. I'm going to try to be nice to people all the time, and not just during Good Deed December, which I totally rocked at BY THE WAY.

3. I'm going to get a full-time job. I REPEAT. I'm going to get a full-time job. (I think I'm close to this. Job Week -- like Shark Week only with a marathon of interviews instead of shark shows -- has commenced. Now I'm just waiting for a company to realize that they CAN'T GO ON without me!)

4. I'm going to decorate and organize my room (and keep it clean!) so that it's a place where I can have fun or relax without worrying about the dust I'm inhaling while I sleep or the shoes I'm going to inevitably trip over as soon as I wake up and get out of bed blind because I slept with makeup on and it got in my eye. One of my favorite sites is Overstock.com and they have a huge selection of things that will help me accomplish this goal, including vacuum cleaners. HINT: They're 10% off if you use the coupon code 121728.

Does it mean I'm getting old if I'm excited about buying cleaning supplies? Either way, I want the cute little handheld one! (And maybe a pair of shoes to add to the pile...you know...as a treat for being so proactive!)

5. I'm going to get something published that is NOT on the internet, and is NOT marketing material. The children's book that I wrote and my friend Dianna is illustrating is going to be the first thing I send out. See a sneak peek here.

6. I'm going to completely pay off one credit card and keep putting money in savings. Paying off just one card will cut down about 2/3 of the debt that I have right now and that's an exciting prospect. This resolution highly hinges on #3 happening though...

7. I'm going to call my guido brother more and check up on him to make sure he's staying out of trouble and has someone to talk to should he need it. So much so, that he'll probably start screening my calls. WHATEVER little brother. You won't be able to avoid me forever!

Did you notice I said, I'M GOING TO instead of I'm going to TRY to? Last year I said try and I barely completed any of my resolutions. Saying I'm going to makes it seem a lot more like I HAVE TO otherwise you guys will call me out on the playground, like that time I told everyone, including my mom, that Pippi Longstocking was my neighbor and no one believed me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

For Brandy and also because I'd want someone to do this for me

Brandy, a fellow 20sb blogger, who I recently just started reading and can't believe I wasn't reading sooner, has asked the blogging community to post this in hopes that our energy and love will have a positive impact on the one she loves.

Please feel free to copy and post this on your own blog.

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Anonymous blogging and my almost inability to do good deeds for a whole entire month

Sometimes I wish I had an anonymous blog, or at least one that my family didn't read so I could post some of the ridiculous stuff that happens to me. But alas, I've done that before and it only sounds the alarm in my family causing me to have to answer countless questions about my well-being.

So instead, I'm just going to almost finish up this Good Deed December project by listing everything I did that was nice in December so you can feel bad about yourself for not doing as many nice things as I did. Just kidding! I love you. More than I love my blue suede and black snakeskin steve madden heels. (Almost).

So here it is:

Good Deed December Update days 14-28th!

December 28th: Since Dan wasn't here to lend his muscles and my brother's back was conveniently hurting, I carried my mom's and brother's bags out to the cab for them. It's a small deed, but I could have just sat in the warm house instead.

December 27th: Dan's parents met my family for the first time. It's a big deal since we've been dating for 2.5 years. I made poor man's turtles (rolos, pecans, prezels) to bring to dinner and give to Dan's parents.

December 26th: We were at my aunt's house celebrating Christmas with the whole family, including my cousin's daughter Arianna, who's 5 and needs the spotlight on her, always. Another little kid, Johnny, who's 6, showed up, only to be completel shunned and ignored by Arianna. I wanted to let her know this wasn't okay, so I started playing Go Fish with him (right in front of her) hoping that she'd join. She did and started to get over her brattiness, until Johnny started winning. Every time he got a pair, you could see her eyes flare up with anger.

December 25th: This was Christmas. I did nothing but lay around all day and watch movies with the family. And eat. Boy, did we eat. A lot.

December 24th: This year, both my cousin and I got laid off. We have four aunts including our mothers, who have been more than wonderful during this hard year for us. In appreciation, we wrote them each a note and gave them special presents to say thanks for checking up on us to make sure we don't need anything, sending us job postings, and buying us stuff they know we need but won't ask for, etc...

December 23rd: I let Dan off the hook and did his part of the cleaning that he promised to do before my mom and brother flew in, including the downstairs bathroom that mostly gets used when we have parties and only gets cleaned once every few months. Gag!

December 22nd: I started going through my clothes and making donate, sell and keep piles. This is only the start of a good deed. It's going to take awhile...

December 21st: I had TWO Secret Santa fails this day that almost caused a meltdown. I received my Secret Santa letter from the SunTimes late (Wednesday the 16th to be exact) and the deadline for the gift to be received was THAT Friday (the 18th). Of course, I didn't have time to pick out a lego set and mail it in two days, so I thought I'd just drop it off at the school to ensure my kid still got his present. I called them as I was leaving to drop it off and the kids had already left for Christmas break, therefore, my secret santa kid had to open whatever extra gift they had just lying around. That broke my heart! What if he got something totally lame, like socks, when he could have gotten a 2-in-1 lego set that lets you build a helicopter OR a crazy jet fighter thing! Ugh.

Then I found out that the kids I was going to send presents to in foster care, aren't allowed to get presents from people who aren't family because of some foster care privacy thing. I don't even know the kids, but after hearing that their mom died and they were split up, I wanted to help. I hope they had a good Christmas anyway. :|

Since I was powerless in both situations, I decided to mail the lego set to the school anyway, so they'd have it for some other 8 yr old boy next year in case his Secret Santa is a big failure, too!

December 20th: I wrote a letter to my one of my brothers who's in Marine boot camp right now and mailed it so he would, hopefully, get it before Christmas. I wanted to send a gift but he said he'd get harassed if I did. <--- Military is ridiculous! P.S. If I was a mean sister I'd send him something girly, like one of these gift baskets, but since I want him to come home in one piece, I guess all he gets is a letter. BORING!

December 19th: I went shopping for last minute Christmas presents with my friend Dianna. In the line for Old Navy, the cashier rang up my merchandise wrong and had to redo it...twice. I didn't complain and instead smiled and said, "No problem!" as she apologized profusely. In return, JUST FOR NOT BEING A BITCH, she gave me a $5 gift card.

December 18th: I carried a God Damn spicy cheese quesadilla from Burrito Beach around in my purse for almost a whole day hoping I'd find a homeless person to give it to. Surprisingly, I didnt. Instead, it ended up as drunk food for my boyfriend and friend later that night.

December 17th: I got really mad at Dan this day, because he was pushing me to take on more than I thought I could handle, especially around the holidays, and instead of chewing his face off, I had a normal discussion with him. I said I want to enjoy the work I do and if I'm taking on more than is phsyically possible for one person, I'm not going to. He acknowledged he might be a hard partner to have sometimes and we got over it. I'm not going to lie, I took pleasure in hearing him admit that. On the other hand, it's nice to be with somebody who thinks that I'm capable of a lot even if, on bad days, I don't feel the same way.

December 16th: I passed a lady who had a map in her hand and sweat on her forehead. She was obviously lost and instead of just walking past, I stopped and asked if she needed directions. I'm about the last person in the world who should help someone with directions, but it turned out she was only a block from where she needed to be, so I pointed her in the right direction, gave her a smack on the butt, and sent her on the way. Okay, I'm lying about the butt-smacking thing. I would never hit a stranger!

December 15th: I left my house in 7 degree weather to meet with Caleb, founder of Save the Cups, to offer my copywriting services to the project. I have now signed on to help with all of their communications sans pay because a) I like that it's a socially responsible way to use social media, and b) Caleb is one of my first Twitter friends. You never forget your first (Twitter friends).

December 14th: I sent more jobs I found online to friends who are looking, including one I was going to apply for, but for which a friend was more suited.

3 more days and I get to be selfish! Mwaahahaha!

If you're participating in the challenge and have been blogging about it, drop a link in the comments section.

Practice Random Kindness: Good Deed December Update #3

I'm not a religious person. I don't go to church. I don't even really think I'm that spiritual, except for the fact that I 100% believe in Karma, or getting back the energy that you put out. However, I do think that if you're going to practice something, religious, spiritual, or otherwise, it should be this:

So here's what I've done for others the past few days as I make my way through Good Deed December.

December 13th: When I purchased something on Overstock.com today, they gave me the option to add an extra dollar to my order which would go towards Wounded War Heroes. One of my brothers is currently in boot camp training to be a Marine. I clicked YES.

December 12th: I donated $10 to 826Chi's literacy and reading program. You should too. The program is totally free and it helps tons of underprivileged kids develop better reading and writing skills, plus the people who run the program are super smart and FUN!

December 11th: I can't remember what I did on this day, but I know I did something! To make up for it, I'll tell you two things I did on December 1oth!

December 10th: 1) This was the day it was 7 freaking degrees outside! I took a cab home from my interview and I was so grateful to get home and out of the cold that I tipped the cabbie $4 on an $8 cab ride, instead of my standard $2.

2)After eating lunch in Ogilvy station, I had almost a whole carton of fruit left. Instead of throwing it away, I left it in plain view on top of the tray holder above the garbage for some of the homeless people, who were roaming the station and digging through trash, to eat. I don't know if anyone found it, but I like to think they did.

Have you done anything nice lately, either in the spirit of the holidays, or just because?

I'd also like to thank JamieLovely for doing a good deed for me last night. After the Chicagonista party, she dropped me off at my bus stop so I wouldn't have to walk in the cold/rain in my heels. It's the little things that count, and not getting blisters and freezing my butt off counts a lot to me! Thanks Jamie. :)

Payback shouldn't be a bitch!

Where's all the good karma that's supposed to be coming my way from doing all these nice things? Granted, I didn't start Good Deed December so that a bunch of good things would happen to me, but isn't that just supposed to be a side effect?

Last night I went to an SMC Chicago networking event with one of my friends. It was snowy and miserable out and we both braved the slush in our impractical shoes, all for the name of social media. Over 150 people were at this event, and out of the probably 30 or so that I actually got to talk to, NO ONE told me I had mascara smeared on my face! Why does it make people so uncomfortable to tell someone, "Hey, I think the snow might have smeared your makeup."?

I have a suggestion to help people get over the fear of telling others when they have gunk on their face or in their teeth, or when their shirt is inside out, etc... Just remember how uncomfortable it feels to watch a sex scene in a movie with your parents, and telling someone that they have an eye goober will feel like a cake walk!

I always tell people when they have snot hanging out of a nostril or a tag sticking out. Yeah, it's not a pretty thing to do. But isn't it worse to have to stare at it while you talk to them?

I even went to this networking event with a really good friend and SHE didn't tell me because, in her words, "It looked like a beauty mark."

No it didn't. It just looked like mascara and I looked like a mess.

Then, when I got home from the networking event, I found that it was raining in my room, right above my door and my desk. What I mean is, the snow that was on the roof had started to melt, and apparently there is a leak in the roof right above my room.

All I have to say about last night, besides what I've already said, is that WINTER CAN SUCK IT!! If I have to check a mirror every time I get somewhere after being out in the snow/slush/rain, and if I have to keep a water-catching bucket in my room where my desk should be, it's going to be a long, annoying winter.

Aaaand, now that I'm done complaining, here's my Good Deed Update for days 5-9.

December 5: I let my boyfriend play video games ALL DAY and didn't complain until the next day when he tried to do it again. Sounds like a stretch, I know, but when I say all day, I mean aaaaaall day. As in, he emerged from his man cave around 10:00 pm with his eye glazed over, a beer in his hand, and his hair greasy and unshowered. Ew.

December 6: While looking for jobs, I found some on Craigslist and Career Builder that I thought would be good fits for my friends who are looking, and I passed them on to three of them.

December 7: I helped a friend (the one who DIDN'T tell me I had makeup smeared on my face!) with her resume and cover letter.

December 8: Another friend and I spent 8 hours making homemade cookies and candy to give to people for Christmas. The results were: poorly decorated Christmas cookies, poor man's turtles, some other candy with an m & m stuck to the top, and homemade caramel. I haven't given them out yet, but I'm still counting it as a good deed because we seriously baked from 1 - 10 pm, with only about an hour break for some Wii Fit Plus exercise and Thai food.

December 9: I printed out my friend's ticket for the networking event mentioned above because her printer doesn't work and the tickets said you had to print them and present them at the door. Turns out, the tickets were liars, but we had them anyway.