The Condom Caper

This weekend, in an effort to get out of the house even though it was raining and cold and I'm not allowed to spend any money, Dan and I went to see The Informant. The movie was good, although it wasn't as funny as they market it to be, and I left the theater with a big question about mental illness and whether it was supposed to play an integral part or just be mentioned in passing. Dan thinks it didn't contribute to the main character's actions. I think it did. If you've seen it, I'd like to know your thoughts.

Anyway, after a mostly enjoyable movie, Dan and I left the theater. I was feeling pretty good. I had a belly full of lemonade and my boyfriend holding my hand. That's when things got weird.

We walked out to Dan's car to find THIS stuck to it.

In case you're blind or sexually inexperienced, that's a condom stuck to Dan's car...a really long condom at that.

We were both completely disgusted and a little uncomfortable. I busted out laughing, because I do that when things are awkward, and seeing a stranger's semen stuck to my boyfriend's car definitely falls into that category.

Then my head started spinning with questions! Is the person that did this watching us to get our reaction? Did they do it because Dan drives a Lexus? If that's the case, I bet they wouldn't have if they new it was his Dad's from 1991 and has over 300,000 miles on it! How is Dan going to get that off of his car without touching it? Lord knows I'm not helping! Why on earth would someone have a used condom laying around that they had to get rid of? (For the record, I know people have sex in their cars...but you couldn't do that in a lit up busy parking garage, so they must have been carrying that condom around for at least a little while).

Dan decided to leave the condom on his car while we drove to our next destination. Don't ask my why. Maybe he thought it would be funny. Or maybe he thought it would spite, or be a fuck you to, the person who did it. Either way, he was somewhat angry about the condom and I wasn't touching it so I didn't argue with his decision.

As we drove off in silence...with a used condom still stuck to the car, Dan turned to me and said, "I think I should have just scraped it off before we left."

Me: Why?
Dan: Look behind us.

I turned to look, and the condom had shifted from its position on Dan's roof and all of its contents were slowly spreading down the rear windshield, mixing with the rain.

After that, we couldn't help acting like 10 yr old boys. I busted out laughing again and this time Dan joined me.

Chicago, you never let me down.