What a great chewsome we make

I hardly ever put Dan in charge of dinner. Mainly, because I love to cook. And secondly, because he's so bad at it. He's great at the eating part. But combining ingredients that actually go together...not so much.

When I say, "What's for dinner?" Dan's favorite response is, "A SMORGASBORD!" which is usually all of the leftovers in the fridge heated up in the microwave on ONE plate that we both eat off of.

Other typical responses, "Dan's Mac 'N Cheese" which is Kraft macaroni and cheese with garlic, black pepper, crushed red pepper, some other spices I don't recognize, and Ritz crackers crushed up on top.

One time, after a long stressful date at work, I came home to egg and cheese sandwiches with a side of Stove Top.

But tonight takes the cake. I came home to something boiling on the stove. And I was happy, because that means he actually attempted to cook something and the pot wasn't large enough for mac 'n cheese. I lifted the lid and it was Italian sausage (the ones I had bought yesterday to make sausage, peppers and onions this week).

Then I saw cut up asparagus on the cutting board and got really impressed because he hates vegetables. Not so sure asparagus goes with Italian sausage, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

And then I saw corn meal.

And then I saw Texas toast (that I had purchased to go with some pasta this week).

In one fell swoop, Dan had put a kink in two of the meals I had planned for the week and I still had no idea what HE was planning.

When he finally told me, it sounded like an episode of CHOPPED. You know...that show where chefs make delicious meals out of 4 ingredients that don't go together AT ALL. Only I wasn't sold on the deliciousness part...

His plan

Italian sausage--first boiled (for no apparent reason), then fried.

Asparagus rolled in some corn meal and cooked in a frying pan. I pointed out that we didn't have any egg to bread the asparagus with. And he, very confidently said, "I've seen this done at least 30 times before. You just roll it around in the corn meal and it sticks." Okay...

The Texas toast you ask? Oh, he was going to put the Italian sausage ON it, because we didn't have any buns.

Every time Dan cooks it reminds me of one of my favorite Shel Silverstein poems.

Shortened version:

If you have to dry the dishes

And you drop one on the floor—

Maybe they won’t let you

Dry the dishes anymore

The thing is, when Dan makes food, each individual piece is usually pretty good. But they aren't good TOGETHER.

This is how my food showed up.

Yes, it's a smiley face.

I may be eating my words after trying his Italian sausage, Texas toast, and cornmeal breaded asparagus feast. And if it's super delicious, I'll apologize on the internet and in person. But for now, I'm happy to sit in the living room while the smell of garlic (and maybe tabasco sauce?) assaults my nose.